Group Members and Roles

  • Pamphlet- Jessica
  • Handout- Lizbeth
  • Photography- Barbara
  • Graphic/Video- Kelsey
  • Radio/Debater- Bryan
  • Speaker/Debater- Geneva
  • Journalist- Caroline

Group Slogan

Repel Republicanism! AND MONARCHY RULES! --



What you group wants for a New Constitution

A Constitution is purely madness! We want the foolish Americans to either come crawling back to their wise mother or perish trying to establish some kind of perposterous democracy. Their actions are a fools errand, for a republic across a large lang mass will never be successful and the people will be unruly. What America needs is a stong monarchy with the power to tax (although the Americans have shown this process to be quite unfavorable to them) and regulate commerce. They need Britain.


Bullet Points of Your Plan

• We let the Americans try their silly plans
• Be nice in order to wean them from those Godforsaken French
• Reap the economic benefits of their lack of manufacturing and abundance of raw materials in the time being
• Watch them fail miserably
• Wait for them to come crawling back to the empire

Orator: Text of Your Speech

So, this is what the war was all about: a bunch of squabbling colonials arguing over the best way to drive these territories into the ground. And make no mistake; that is what you will do.

When this sordid affair began, you swore you were only seeking confrontation to gain the rights of Englishmen. We had fought side by side against the French, aiding and protecting you and your liberty and lands. You were all proud to swear allegiance to the crown then. But as soon as we attempted to have you pay your fair share of the expenses of your protection, you acted as though you were a spoiled child. You assaulted our tax collectors and disrespected the crown until you took up arms against us. I am sorry to be the one to inform you, but Englishmen do their duty and pay taxes. You had all the rights of Englishmen, you just claimed you didn't because you were paying direct taxes to the crown for the first time. Yes, before then you were paying your taxes locally. But before then we hadn't been fighting a war to save your American lands from annihilation by the French. We fought for seven years thanks to your great hero, General Washington, who up and got himself captured on his way to starting the war in the first place. After that war that saved your land, we were in debt. Why should you not pay for your own protection? We needed to collect taxes from you directly.

Your desire for a “voice” was granted with virtual representation. You claimed that virtual representation was unfair, but Englishmen had the same virtual representation as you. You colonials were simply determined to cause strife by claiming we were treating you unfairly, when in fact you simply did not want to live up to your responsibilities as adults.

With the way your new nation is going, I'd say not much has changed.

Look at yourselves. Divided into different groups with different plans because you cannot unite yourselves under a strong central power. Each of your states acts selfishly pandering only to parochial intersts, not what is best for this so-called nation. The fact that we are all here is proof enough of your colonial ineptitude in governance. The Articles of Confederation have failed because your states demand so much power. By attempting this fool's errand known as Democracy, you are dooming yourselves. It's a lovely sentiment, I'm sure, empowering every farmer you have trained to wield a weapon to run their government. I would certainly love to have some farmhand direct the interests of an empire. The only hope for survival you have is to embrace a strong central power. You cannot simply delegate to your states impoverished individuals the future and hope things work out. You need a leader. You need a firm set of laws. You need, America, to institute a monarchy.

Your short history has been painted red with the blood of Americans and Englishmen over your fear of paying taxes, but if you are to be a nation that can sustain itself, you are going to need to abandon the idealism of this 'democracy' and face your financial troubles. You have your own war debts to pay now, after you enlisted the aid of France like the traitors you became. Siding with the longtime enemy of the nation you once swore allegiance to over taxation? I ask you, is this action one of rational minds? But I digress.
You cannot pay your debt without money, but your nation's fear of tax collection has crippled your economy. During the war, the paper money you attempted to print to supplement you war costs devalued so quickly it became the subject of jokes. Your troops – unpaid, poorly outfitted, and malnourished – would not have survived without the aid of your French allies, because you could not collect any money to pay them. Your star general went without a salary by his own volition, but countless others among your ranks left farms untended to serve, while their government was unable to pay them anything for their trouble, leaving them in financial trouble for their treason.

Taxation is a necessary part of being in a strong nation. You are simply back to where you started. You need to understand this. Shays' Rebellion will not be the last if you continue along this path of idealism and resistance over the necessary components of a working nation. America, we bear you no great ill will as you take your first steps out into the larger world. We seek to warn you, for all the good it will do, that if you cannot organize yourselves effectively under a strong central power and organize financial returns, you will fail.

Video of Speech

Debater: Possible Objections to Plan and Your Replies

Monarchy is oppressive
• Only to the unruly

We don’t want to be taxed without representation
• Perhaps we will give you a few seats in Parliament; however, virtual representation is a form representation no matter which way you slice it

Fish and chips get boring after an extended period of time
• Have you tried tea and crumpets?

Why should I surrender all of my power to a king?
• You only get one vote, out of millions, your voice is not heard. It is better to be ruled by the whim of one noble man than the whim of the uneducated mob

Journalist: Write-Up of Convention Activity

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania – It was a brisk morning in the child nation when delegates from far off domains gathered to express their ideas for constructing their new nation. It seemed all well and fair until the representatives arrived and proved to be a most discourteous sort of people, as well as having skewed perception of the world around them. The basis of the convention was focused on the writings of a new constitution, which was to be born of men holding varying viewpoints. The Virginia Plan fought for a stronger central government, the New Jersey Plain vainly struggled for a powerful state government, and the Great Compromise sat idly between the two vulgar idealists attempting to propose a weak, inefficient, lackluster government. Slightly unrelated were the conflicting Crispus Attucks: supporting the abolition of slavery, and the Dixiecrat Bloc: forcefully supporting slavery. One can see that taking these groups of rebellious men and situating them in a small room together could only lead to an explosive and irrational outcome.
However, there was some element of sanity at the convention. The British Block, the mother of this rebellious and blood thirsty child, the responsible and noble assembly, the bringer of wealth and prosperity to this callow nation, waited patiently for their turn to speak to the unruly throng. But when the time came for their ignorant ears to at last hear some words of eloquence and sagacity, the majority boorishly (and quite boisterously might I add) marched out of the convention hall leaving the few, and let me emphasize the word few, to vainly attempt listening to the rest of such a masterful speech. The commotion held outside was enough to make the blood boil of those few who were reasonable enough to desire to hear the knowledge and insight pouring from the mouth of the British delegate. It is this sort of behavior that is inexorably going to lead to the destruction of such a naïve nation, if one could even call it a nation.
Not only were the delegates vulgar, but their arguments were enough to tickle the belly of any logical gentleman. The Virginia Plan delegate stated in his speech that “we must prove that we can govern ourselves.” This made the rational members of the audience giggle for a nation without a monarchy is not a nation at all. For if the people are the governors, then who is left to be governed? The New Jersey Plan delegate ignorantly remarked that the colonies were “given absolutely no representation in Parliament” while the British clearly provided virtual representation for these people. Virtual representation is indeed representation, whether it satisfied their lust for government or not. The delegate from The Great Compromise sadly attempted to pull on the heartstrings of the American public when proclaiming “there are women and children who do not know where their country is headed” but this particular quote is quite peculiar considering the fact that as they were sitting in that chamber trying to create a constitution for a doomed republic, there existed huge differences in the opinion and voices of all. So it seemed to be that not a single person knew where their country was going, with the exception of a select minority, the British. This group knew exactly where their pitiable nation was headed: the john! With a feeble central government and lacking the power to tax, the puerile country is surely doomed to perish.
The Convention was not a remarkable sight to observe. During the speech of the Crispus Attucks Coalition, one audience member insolently shouted “get to the point.” These outbursts were frequent and quite barbaric. The Dixie Crat Block’s main point was that slavery was holding the nation together. Imagine that, a nation is so feeble that is has to be united under the universal sabotage of an inferior race. Fools and weaklings, that was all to behold at such a convention. The only shred of morality came from the British Block, but these gentlemen will return to their prosperous kingdom and there will be nothing left for the treasonous fools except failure, chaos, misery, and impending death.

Long live King George III!

Comments from Rival Plans

I know I'm not even in your class, but holy crap Kelsey, that picture is amazing :D-Madeline



the people who went "BOOO"

Jessica slipped in the earlier one so now here she is

The people who show that democracy does work, that it is not a joke, or maybe they were just lazy to leave

Virginia Representatives

Great Compromise



Crispus Attucks